Human connection is an important part of our lives. Feeling loved and having a sense of connection contribute to our mental health.
But not all relationships make our lives better. Some relationships aren't good for us. They damage our well-being instead of making it better. Some can even be toxic, and it’s important to recognize the red flags.
What are red flags in a relationship? How can you identify them? And most importantly, what should you do if your relationship has reached an unhealthy state?
Here’s your guide to navigating common red flags in a relationship.
What are red flags in a relationship?
Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior.
They are not always recognizable at first — which is part of what makes them so dangerous. However, they tend to grow bigger and become more problematic over time.
Red flags are often used in conversations around toxic or abusive relationships. Toxicity can present itself in any close relationship: friends, colleagues, family members, or partners.
Red flags in a guy or girl can be signs of narcissism, aggression, victimization, or even abusive behavior. By becoming aware of some common red flags, you can avoid getting involved in a toxic relationship.
When you encounter relationship red flags, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on the dynamic you really share with that person.
Often, toxic behavior is subtle and insidious. It creeps up on us in moments of weakness, and if we cannot fight against it, it can take control over our lives.
This can lead to both ourselves and those around us getting hurt. Cultivating self-awareness around red flags and toxic behavior can help us avoid them altogether.
What are examples of red flags?
Red flags in relationships are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior. Examples include controlling behavior, lack of respect, love bombing, and emotional or physical abuse. These behaviors may start subtly but tend to become more problematic over time, potentially leading to toxic dynamics.
16 red flags in a relationship to look out for
Before you can address red flags, you need to understand what they look like and why they are dangerous.
Let’s look at 16 common red flags in men, women, and nonbinary individuals that can arise in any relationship. By learning what they look like and why they are harmful, you can put an end to toxicity before too much damage is done.
1. Overly controlling behavior
Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you. If a guy or girl tries to control what you wear or where you go, this could be a red flag.
In a healthy relationship, there is compromise and understanding around differences. Not one person controls the other person’s actions.
2. Lack of respect or trust
Trust is an important foundation in any healthy relationship. A major sign of an unstable relationship is when partners, friends, colleagues, or family members distrust you.
Of course, we all have doubts sometimes. But they shouldn't stop us from trusting the people in our lives to do the right thing. Healthy relationships require trust and respect on both sides. Without respect, the foundation of any relationship is shaky at best.
3. Lack of emotional support
The people closest to you should build you up, not break you down.
When you love someone, you are committed to supporting and uplifting them. If you do not feel that support from your partner, family or friends, something needs to change.
4. Physical, mental, or emotional abuse
Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up on. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.
Nobody ever has the right to use you as a scapegoat for their own problems. Those should be dealt with constructively and fairly. Abuse is never an acceptable response to a problem.
5. Substance abuse
Substance abuse is a clear red flag. It indicates that a person struggles with impulse control and self-destructive habits. Depending on the substance, any relationship can quickly turn toxic if addiction is present.
With that said, substance abuse is an illness and your loved one might need help. If you or someone you know is struggling, reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help.
6. Narcissistic behavior
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition that indicates self-obsession and a misplaced sense of importance. It can come across as delusions of grandeur, although not in a clinical sense. They are not experiencing a break from reality, although it might feel that way to the people close to them. Narcissists believe that the world revolves around them. And if anybody threatens this belief, turmoil and chaos tend to follow.
Being emotionally involved with a narcissistic, ego-driven person can be exhausting and traumatizing. Their needs will always be considered more important than yours.
7. Anger management issues
If someone you are close to has anger management issues, you might feel threatened or unsafe during a conflict. Lack of emotional regulation is a definite red flag for any relationship.
We all should feel comfortable enough with a partner or friend to tackle difficult subjectswithout fearing for our safety. Anyone – man or woman – who uses anger as an intimidation tactic is displaying toxic behavior.
8. Codependency
Codependency and the ensuing emotional labor might not always present themselves as toxic. But codependency in relationships can be a pervasive pattern that causes issues such as emotional exhaustion and increasing mental load.
Codependency, or “relationship addiction,” happens when two people rely on each other exclusively for emotional, psychological, and even physical support. This alienates them from their other relationships and can stunt personal growth.
9. Conflict avoidance
People that avoid conflict might think they are protecting the relationship from ruin. But in the end, it only results in long-winded passive aggression.
As uncomfortable as it can be, embracing constructive conflict is a crucial element of all relationships. Without productive conflict, serious matters can never be resolved. This can lead to resentment and wasted energy.
10. Constant jealousy
It is natural to feel jealous when your partner or friend is spending a lot of time with others. However, that is not an excuse to let it cloud your judgment.
Someone who is constantly jealous of your connection with others cares more about what they want than your happiness. This jealousy often leads to manipulative tactics and other unhealthy behavior.
11. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a common manipulation tactic and a red flag in any relationship. It is an insidious form of emotional abuse in which the manipulator will make you question your own sanity or judgments.
Victims of gaslighting are made to feel guilty regardless of whether or not they did anything wrong. Gaslighting is a clear red flag in any relationship.
12. Lack of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and manage emotions.
People with a low level of emotional intelligence are unable to pick up on your feelings or empathize with you. This often results in unnecessary conflicts or forms of manipulation. Emotional abuse, including love bombing, often stems from low emotional intelligence.
13. Social isolation
For many of us, our family and friends provide an important sense of community. It’s a major red flag if someone in your life is negatively affecting your relationship with those you love. Healthy relationships should never come at the cost of other healthy relationships.
14. Inability to communicate openly
One red flag in a guy or girl can be the lack of desire to communicate openly. Communication does not come easily for everyone. Feelings of confrontation, vulnerability, or losing control can all deter individuals from speaking out. But if your partner is unwilling to try and communicate, this could potentially be a red flag.
15. Lack of social connection or friends
Not everyone has a huge circle of friends. Some people simply find it harder to connect with others. They could be dealing with social anxieties or shyness. But not having any friends or close relationships can be a red flag in a guy or girl.
16. Love bombing
Love bombing is another major warning sign. When someone showers you with excessive attention and affection right from the start, it can be a sign of manipulation. This type of behavior can quickly turn into controlling behavior once the initial phase is over.
These are not normal behaviors for anyone and if you are experiencing these things you may want to reevaluate your situation.
Think and step back. I know it’s not easy but you want to have a positive and happy relationship not a relationship that you have to keep looking over your shoulder and worrying, there’s an issue to look at
Michelle
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