God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
— Reinhold Niebuhr
I try to remember to say this every day but little things get in my way and I have to go back to this.
In its plea for guidance on how to navigate life, the serenity prayer offers great wisdom. While there is much to appreciate in the ability to be accepting and in the ability to busily work to make changes, these qualities are not enough. A greater virtue is to know when to engage each of them—and then, of course, to REALLY do so. It’s this latter ability of the “wisdom to know the difference” that many people struggle with, particularly during emotionally intense and upsetting times. We all go through rough times, it's ok.
When you ask yourself whether you are judging yourself harshly, you realize that you are not. You can see that the learning curve for the job, relationship or what is haunting you is understandably steep, but that you have been improving with experiences and learning. Instead of criticizing yourself for not being good enough, you accept that learning takes time; and you practice talking compassionately to yourself through your struggles. Learning is really a life long process. None of us came out knowing it all and we never will.
Remember this too; maybe that job, relationship, move etc really wasn't good for you and better will come. Non the less you have to move ahead and you can, one step at a time.
Though no one gets it right all the time, you can keep your life moving in a generally positive direction by putting in the effort accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and by cultivating the wisdom to know the difference. "Wisdom". You learn from experience.