Divorce. The word we all dread. It hurts to the core, steals the spirit and makes you feel so empty that you can never imagine how is it possible to trust, love or start over with someone else? Will a new relationship end the way the last one did? Is it worth trying? How do I heal? Where do I go from here? When does it stop hurting?
They say divorce is like a death, I can attest to that. Yet, even in death we know there is life after. A different kind of life in a different place. Divorce is parallel.
Got guilt? Guilt is awful. I have learned it got me no where to guilt someone nor did I like to be guilted. I also know that if you are the one initiating the Divorce there can be guilt involved and that is normal and yes, okay. It’s okay to feel terrible. Remember you married in hopes of a life time of commitment with your partner, never planning to separate. I took my vows very seriously but things do happen that are beyond our control.
Loving someone is so easy, leaving and ending your future hopes is so very painful that it feels like you were cheated out of a promise of happiness. No matter what your reasons you are divorcing, it still hurts something awful.
So, this is the time to be easy with yourself. Be realistic about things. Understand the relationship did not work. Don’t fool yourself.
Take time to grieve. Scream, cry, sob. Whatever you need to do.
Read books, see a therapist if you can. Talk to people you can trust.
Take walks and exercise. That helps you sleep as well as building endorphins. (Divorce can make you depressed).
Join a class, keep busy. Stay away from the mushy movies. Watch comedies.
Get your sleep, your body physically needs to heal as well. Emotional stress can wear on the physical body.
Do not call your ex. Really bad idea. If you have Children please leave it to the arrangement making. Be civil, your kids are not to be stuck in the middle.
Make it business as usual. Keep it simple and only about what is needed, not your marriage. If you do not have children then count that as a blessing. It makes it easier.
Get out! Go to a movie, do something. Divert yourself when you can. Yet, allow that grief to work itself through. I know in time it will.
Write it down. Write a letter to your ex and let them know everything. Do not send it. Just look at it and add as you go. One day you can burn it as I have been told. It’s good therapy. I actually gave myself writers cramp. (Go ahead and laugh).
Endings always bring new beginnings. Night passes that brings in the dawn. Days pass as seasons do. In time the hurt will subside.
In time you will allow yourself to love and to be loved again. I know this is easier said then done and it throbs but I am here, I understand all too well. Give it time.
Be good to yourself. Do not dwell on the; What if’s;. Deal with what is.
Remember that as time goes by forgiveness will be your best friend. Forgiving yourself and your ex will free you. Again, I promise this.
May your heart be light and your burdens be few.
Always,
Michelle
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