How to heal from a break up

Break ups are just plain awful. They feel like your insides are literally hanging on the outside. It’s confusing, terribly painful and frustrating.

It’s unimaginable to even deal with the 5 stages of grief as a journey towards healing and empowerment. Practicing self-compassion and seeking support from others when needed, is not the first thing we want to do .

You don’t feel you’re capable of finding happiness and fulfillment, both within yourself and in new Relationships. It’s not on your to do list,

Since breakups involve changes in how people spend their time and their social status, a common reaction to a breakup is grief.

Denial

After a breakup, you may find yourself experiencing the several stages of grief. It’s perfectly understandable and very normal.

Experiencing them out of order

going back and forth among them

resting in one phase longer than others

Denial

In this stage, you may find yourself not believing that the breakup is real. You may still refer to your ex-partner frequently or speak in terms of “we.” You may even convince yourself that your ex will come back.

Denial doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll distort reality forever. Usually, it just buys you some time to accept the reality of the change. As hard as it may seem time is your asset.

If you find yourself daydreaming about the past or even living as if you’re still a couple for a while, it may be reassuring to know that this is common form of self-protection and will likely pass.

Anger

The anger phase may feel good for a while, even refreshing. It’s typical to blame your ex, calling up their flaws and past mistakes.

Sometimes, a healthy dose of anger may inspire you to clean house. You might get rid of reminders of your ex or block them from your social media accounts.

Anger may let you know that even if you’re not happy, you’re still alive and capable of action.

Bargaining

This phase may correspond to ruminating and cognitive processing after a breakup. Bargaining is the mind’s way of trying to make sense of what has happened, even twisting facts in the process. “If only I had…” or “If I’d known I would have.”

If you’re in the bargaining phase, you may still very much wish to be in control of your past relationship. With bargaining, you may imagine there’s something you can do that can change the situation.

Depression

The reality of loss may sink in during this phase, but it still may be very hard to accept. In this phase, you may experience sadness with the following symptoms:

trouble sleeping
difficulty eating
sleeping too much or too little
A huge desire to isolate yourself
intense longing for your ex- stalking your ex on social media
preoccupation with the past

This is all part of your grieving process. It’s certainly not fun but it’s very normal.

Acceptance

What a tricky word. However, it’s needed.

This stage is typically less about happiness and more about taking stock. If you’ve begun to accept your breakup, you may be able to see your losses clearly.

Maybe there are things you liked about your ex that you now miss. Maybe you’ve discovered ways you contributed to the relationship’s end and now know what you’ll do differently in your next relationship. You’ll have to think about this as you go. It takes time to even get there it’s a big process.

How to get over a rough breakup

If your relationship was going south for a while before slipping away entirely, you may be able to understand better and why.

You may find yourself seeking signs from the universe like, “what next?” Or more precisely, “who next?” Don’t jump. That’s the worst thing you can do is jump into something else.

It’s natural for the next person you date to be the polar opposite of your last ex. This might be okay for you for a while, but to truly recover from a breakup many experts recommend taking time and space to rebuild yourself. That’s why we shouldn’t jump. You’ll need time.

Rebuilding after a breakup

Many experts agree that it can be helpful in the rebuilding phase to restructure negative thoughts. If you catch yourself in negative self-talk, ask yourself if what you’re saying is really true, then reframe it.

Saying, “I can’t bear to live alone,” might become, “I am not alone. I’ll go for a walk with my friend before work and call my sister after dinner.”

Many professionals recommends trying to open yourself up to opportunities for self-expression, like taking up a new hobby such as or gardening.

You can also restore order to your life when you’re feeling emotionally chaotic with daily rituals, such as a morning walk or quiet meditation.

Moving on

So many studies have been conducted with romantic partners, and friends found that adopting optimistic perspectives could turn breakups into positive experiences.

It may make you feel better to try thinking of your breakup and past relationship as:

a romantic exploration that may well parlay into a satisfying long-term relationship down the road
a learning experience
a chance to find new ways to truly grow outside of your prior relationship

When moving on from a breakup, it may be beneficial to ask yourself some questions about your next relationship, like: