It’s that spooky time of year and you’re being ghosted but it’s not a haunted house or tricks that bring no treats
1. **Ghosting as a common method of ending relationships**: Ghosting, which can occur in both romantic and non-romantic relationships, is becoming increasingly prevalent, possibly due to the rise of digital communication where it's easier to disappear without confrontation.
2. **Emotional impact on victims**: Those who are ghosted often feel hurt, confused, and left without closure. This lack of explanation can lead to self-doubt, overthinking, and feelings of rejection.
3. **Ghoster's traits and attachment styles**: Many times, ghosting is less a reflection of the person being ghosted and more indicative of the ghoster’s personality traits or attachment style, such as avoidant attachment. This means that the ghoster might be avoiding emotional discomfort or conflict, which has little to do with the actions or worth of the ghostee.
4. **Healing and moving forward**: Setting clear personal boundaries and practicing self-compassion are important steps in healing after being ghosted. Acknowledging that the ghosting may be related to the ghoster's emotional capacity can help reduce self-blame and assist in moving on.
We will blame ourselves and try to make excuses as well as understand why? It’s a pointless game of chasing your tail.
1. **Ghosting as Emotional Abuse**: Ghosting can be seen as a form of passive-aggressive emotional abuse. It's a method of ending a relationship without closure, leaving the other person to deal with feelings of rejection, confusion, and self-doubt. This can severely impact their self-esteem and mental health. The emotional damage caused by ghosting is often exacerbated by the absence of explanation, making it harder for the person to process or heal.
2. **Why People Ghost**:
- **Avoidant Attachment and Emotional Immaturity**: Many people who ghost do so because of an avoidant attachment style, which means they have difficulty managing closeness and prefer to avoid emotional intimacy. Emotional immaturity can also drive ghosting, as these individuals may lack the skills to handle difficult conversations or emotional confrontations.
- **Dark Triad Traits**: Those with traits associated with the Dark Triad (narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism) may ghost more frequently. These individuals may lack empathy, view relationships as transactional, and may be more likely to disappear when they no longer benefit from the connection. Their selfish motivations and inability to consider others' emotional needs can make ghosting a convenient exit strategy. No matter why or how someone ghosts you it’s never easy or pleasing.
How to get past this
Sometimes, my clients are confused by the abrupt ending and continue to reach out to the ghoster for an explanation. It is important to realize that not responding actually speaks volumes and is a form of communication, even if it's one that you do not use or like. Remember: You deserve to be treated with courtesy and respect in any relationship; this includes effective communication, not avoidance.
An abrupt and unexplained ending likely has more to do with the ghoster than it has to do with you. For example, the other person may have commitment issues (i.e., avoidant attachment styles) that have been present long before your interactions with them. It can be beneficial to reframe your thoughts around your experience to minimize self-blame, using psychoeducation and research if you find it helpful. Be mindful this is on them not you.
Try your best not to reach out. No response is a response. If you are sure they are alive and ok, 99% of the time, they are, understand they are being rude and hurtful. Why reach out? No one’s fingers are broken. They knew your name and number to reach you when they wanted to. They can again.
Self-compassion techniques can help you acknowledge the hurt and grieve.
What this looks like may differ depending on the length of the relationship and the frequency of your interactions with the ghoster.
When negative feelings arise, try noticing where you are feeling them in your body. You may be constantly trying to figure this out but I’ll tell you most of the time, you’re not going to.
Instead of pushing them away or trying to distract yourself, mentally say, “This is a moment of suffering” and sit with the feelings until they pass.
It can be helpful, too, to remind yourself that you are not alone in your suffering. "Everybody hurts," as they say; indeed, our ability to feel emotional pain is a part of our common humanity. I didn’t say it’s fun. I’ve been ghosted too.
Spend time with people that love and accept you for who you are.
Process your feelings with your loved ones, or perhaps a therapist.
Having your feelings and experiences validated, heard, and understood is the key to healing. Therapy can help give you a new spin on life. You’ll get your mojo back in time. You’re not alone. I hear this so often it’s sad.
Write feelings down. Have a journal
Talk to those you love
Be in nature.
Take up a new hobby try to meet new people, but don’t force yourself to go do something that you don’t want to do, but after a while, you can’t stay in your own pile of pity trying to figure out what the hell happened. This is not on you. This is on them.
It really is! Give it time
Want to know why?
With love,
Michelle
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