Why are you holding on?

Hope vs. Reality

People often hold onto hope that the other person will eventually “see the light.” They may remember the moments of connection or affection and believe those feelings mean something deeper is still possible — even if the other person has said otherwise. Hope becomes a form of emotional survival.

Cognitive Dissonance

The mind struggles to accept conflicting truths:

• “They say they don’t want commitment” vs. “But we have chemistry and history.”

  
  

  So they cling to the version that feels less painful. It’s easier to stay in the gray area than face rejection or loss head-on.

Attachment and Trauma Bonds

If someone has an anxious attachment style, they may equate love with waiting, proving worth, or earning affection.

In some cases, emotional highs and lows form a trauma bond — the unpredictability becomes addictive, and they crave the next “hit” of closeness.

Self-Worth and Fear of Emptiness

Waiting can feel safer than starting over. Many people subconsciously tie their value to being “chosen.” They stay because leaving would mean facing their own loneliness or rebuilding identity without that person.

Spiritual or Karmic Perspective

On a soul level, sometimes we wait because there’s still a lesson or emotional contract being completed — learning boundaries, self-respect, or how to release control and trust timing. When that lesson is learned, the attachment often eases naturally.

What to do to help yourself?

Face the Truth Without Judgment

Admit what’s real — “They said they don’t want commitment.”

Write it down, say it out loud. Facing the truth doesn’t mean you stop caring — it means you stop negotiating with fantasy.

The heart heals faster when the mind stops rewriting the story.

2. Shift From “Waiting” to “Witnessing”

Instead of asking “Will they change?” ask “What am I learning?”

Become the observer of your emotions — watch the patterns instead of being swept away by them.

This transforms pain into insight and keeps your power with you, not them.

3. Create Emotional Boundaries

That means:

• Stop checking their social media.

• Stop replaying old conversations for meaning.

• Stop accepting crumbs of attention.

Boundaries aren’t punishment — they’re protection for your peace and energy.

4. Reconnect With Self-Worth

Remind yourself daily:

“I’m not waiting to be chosen. I am choosing myself.”

Do things that rebuild confidence — new hobbies, classes, even quiet time in nature. The more self-fulfillment you create, the less space longing takes up.

5. Reframe “Letting Go” as “Returning Home”

You’re not abandoning hope — you’re returning to balance.

Letting go is not forgetting; it’s releasing the version of them that exists only in your imagination. It’s where freedom and faith finally meet.

6. Spiritual Practice for Release

“I release all cords of waiting. I trust that what is mine will not pass me by.”

Visualize energy coming back into your heart — your life force, your peace, your self-trust.

❤️

Michelle